Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
