The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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