Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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