My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Randomize