forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
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