That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
