I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
The air taste purple.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
