Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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