She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
