So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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