omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Randomize
