I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Randomize
