I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
