You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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