I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
