Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
