life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
