you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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