You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
