you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
