God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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