please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
