Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
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