I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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