I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
