he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
