Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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