I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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