Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Randomize
