Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
