You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize