I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
