i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize