Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
