'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
