Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
That reminds me...we need to get swords
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
