The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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