On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
