id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize