there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
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