You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize