you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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