dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
