I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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