Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
