this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
