he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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