you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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