I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize