Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
