When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
