who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
