My liver just broke up with me...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
