Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
