yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize