I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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