dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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