He uses pillows to masturbate.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
