Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
