Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You pole danced in your parka.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
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