it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
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