people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
