Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
