his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
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