I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
