Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
