Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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