okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
my poor anus
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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