I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
