hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
