I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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