I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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