Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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